My previous clinic was open Saturdays with a single tech and vet working together. Sometimes, when things really hit the fan, another tech would be called in to offer their assistance. Memories from a long-ago Saturday.
Saturday.
Driving into work even though it’s my day off, walking through the door to the smell, haunting and familiar, of dead dog. You can spray the veterinary-strength deodorizer as much as you want but it won’t ever go away. The smile on the face of a coworker out front as she laughs with a client, then watch her walk to the back where her face crumples, eyes closing, a deep shuddering breath and “God, I want to cry.” A quick rough hug is all there’s time for. Animals do not have time for our tears.
The isolation room: a puppy crouched on stainless-steel covered with a pink towel and a pee pad already stained with bloody feces. Pale gums and sunken eyes, a listless tail that doesn’t wag when I scratch behind his ears and tell him he’s a good boy. The questions: “Do you think he’ll…” The answers I can’t give. The claustrophobic feeling of gowns and masks and gloves and the sharp cough-inducing haze of Peroxiguard cleaner in the air. Coaxing an IV into tiny veins half-collapsed already. Warm bottles in the kennel, a thick blanket. More pee pads. “We’ll call you with an update.” Nothing left but to wait.
The cat room: a kitten who gnaws my fingers playfully as I try to peek at her tiny white teeth, who licks caramel-flavored dewormer from my fingers with gusto. She won’t sit still to be weighed; we have to bribe her with warmed wet cat food. She explores the room with her tail set at a jaunty angle, bounces in and out of the sink before I can corral her into my arms. She squalls lustily at the first prick of the vaccine but by the time she leaves she’s purring like a tiny furry motorboat, nestled in her owner’s arms.
The exam room: an old dog who breathes too hard. His heartbeat is so loud I can almost hear it from outside the exam room; my fingers on his chest find the thrill of the heart murmur without even really trying. The look on the face of the owner who knows what’s coming. The look on my face as I try not to let it show. The sound of his rasping breaths I can hear from outside the door, the look on my vet’s face as she hears it too. My coworker’s arched eyebrow: a question. I shake my head. She nods. We know.
The treatment room: a cat who drips blood from a torn ear and shakes his head every couple of moments, spattering the walls in carmine. A muscled, scarred farm-cat who’s been here before for abscesses and wounds, a fighter whose other ear is already notched, tail kinked. He takes only the barest sniff of sedation and purrs as we clip and clean the wound, kneading at the blanket beneath him. A proud old warrior, he fights us when we try to give the first dose of oral antibiotics and bares his teeth briefly as we stuff him back into his kennel: he will tolerate our touch only on his own terms. The owner laughs when we tell him. “Yeah, he’s like that.”
The pharmacy hallway: a big Lab who squirms away from the nail clippers and buries her face in our armpits, shaking-scared of our touch on her feet. We end up laying her on her side and stuffing her with liver bites; each snip of the nail clippers brings a soft whine but the treats win out and in the end she lets us finish with only the minimum of squirming.
The back: piles of paperwork on every surface. A plastic bin overflowing with laundry, laughing: “They’ll hate us on Monday!” Blood on the walls and nail trimmings on the floor, cat hair and dog hair and Tim Horton’s cups full of cold, undrunk coffee scattered over every available surface. Gloves sticky with dextrose. My vet pushing her hair away from tired eyes. Peeking through the isolation window to see the gentle wag of a tail, a tongue that’s growing pinker by the minute run out in a puppy smile. A phone call, news. Cautious optimism and profuse thanks from the other end of the line. The strain in my shoulders and back, trying to carry eighty-five pounds of deadweight in a black bag with the respect he deserves. Flipping off the lights with the knowledge that we’ll be back in a couple of hours anyway, if not sooner.
Outside of work: the roar of the old diesel truck choking into life in the parking lot. Changing at the gym and wiping off the smear of rust-red I never noticed from just under an ear. Earbuds in and running to Queen, the Hold Steady, letting the combined roar of blood and music in my ears sweep away everything else. The diesel truck again; the grind of gears I still haven’t quite mastered. Red sky at night and light flashing in the distance, what…? –ah, the sunset, and the wind turbines on the low hill catching fire as they spin. The sparks of burning leaves and brush echo their light later, roasting marshmallows over snapping flames in the rusted out semi-truck rim. Later still the sun is gone, the fire low. Coals shimmer. There is no ocean here to wash away the heaviness of my bones but, still, the day fades with the flames and I close my eyes to coyote howls, singing down the stars into the black expanse of night.
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